Buh-Bye!
Some of my punchlines from over the years:
He gets stuck in the cat-flap easily.
I see no epic flaw in my idea for bread flavoured sandwiches.
He walked into a crow and broke his nose.
I can't even get past the third page of The Sun without my head throbbing.
It's been a laugh and a half you big giraffe. Farewell old friend.
Paddy Irishman
Right back at ya.
Venus figurines
Have you heard about these ancient statuettes? Basically, someone aaaaages ago, decided it'd be good to carve lots of naked women with, quite frankly, large appendages. They've been called the Upper Palaeolithic version of Playboy. Palaeoboy if you will. Anyhow, I thought I'd educate you all a bit, in case you got really bored and stuff.
Elden Ray
*Googles* Reminds me of that time Mabel forgot to lock the bathroom door...
Extinct
I can't believe it! I returned from a two-year mission, travelling the world, saving endangered species. I even discovered two new ones. In Central Africa I found a Lesser Spotted Leopard and a Solar Bear. Let's start a petition. We, the undersigned, demand that the text page Mega-Zine should be reinstated immediately.
The Bonnie Bo'nessian
I'm afraid the dodo's future is a more optimistic one than ours.
RIP
Kiss goodbye the daily routine,
Laughing out loud to hilarious 'Zine.
It's been a world of nonsensical confusion,
Where dreams aren't disillusioned.
A place where reality becomes surreal,
Like a one legged dog on wheels.
Closing time's called on this wonder,
Time to be buried six foot under.
Rest in peace off our screens,
Farewell the brilliant Mega-Zine.
DJ Dave
A fellow could get used to this praise.
The end of it
Farewell, dear friends, it was fun while it lasted. It was foretold in the good book (Kama Sutra, That was a good book) that the blessed giraffe would be taken from us to the land of Gran Can and would there live a life of debauchery with fair maidens. Whilst we are left to drink ourselves silly... On second thoughts, it has its merits.
Daddypoos, Wigan (Long John Silver-Plated)
"Fair maidens"?
Disney diseases
Evil Step-Mother Syndrome: Obsessive vanity. Really want to be the fairest of them all.
Simba Depression: Feel really sad and goldish-brown.
Hallucinations Of Happiness: Really worried lots of animals and cups and clocks are talking and singing, and helping you wash all your clothes.
Pooh Munchies: Unnatural cravings for hunny, results in diabetes and obesity.
Little Blue Fox
A talking animal? I'd never believe it.